Chapter
1 - The
Awakening
I was sort of making my way across the trail when I
came across a mound of earth. I didn’t think much of
it but it caught my attention.
I should mention who and what I am, I am a programmer
writing mundane code for a mundane industry. You know,
nothing spectacular.
So I found this mound. I poked at with my walking
stick.
I felt something. I do not know how to explain it but
I felt something, and I felt different.
I looked at the mound again. It did not look any
different.
Something behind me cleared its throat. I turned
around.
Damned it was big. It was big, it was scaley, it had
wings, and, er, it was a dragon. A damned large one
at that.
It just looked at me.
“Wizard, why did you awaken me?”, it asked.
I peered around me, and found nothing else close.
“You talking to me?”, I squeaked.
“No, I am talking to Neil Diamond’s chair:, the
dragon
remarked.
Well I had to think about that. First because I am no
wizard, second because I was only taking a hike, and
third, because I did not believe in Dragons. Up to 20
seconds ago anyway. I was sober and had taken no
recreational drugs, and the damned thing was sitting
in front of me. About 25 feet high.
I gulped.
“O noble beast...” I started.
“Stop that”, the dragon remarked.
“Pardon?”, I squeaked again.
“Just stop that. You do not even believe I exist
yet.
Quit with the ‘O noble beast crap. It
gives me
hives”
So saying, it started scratching behind its ear with
what appeared to be 10 foot rear leg talons.
It was sort of puppy like, and I grinned.
It looked at me again, and the way it looked at me, I
stopped grinning in a hurry.
“So wizard, why did you call me?”
I thought. Actually I thought “What the hell am I
doing here talking to a dragon?!!?”, but I thought.
“What is your name?”, I asked.
“Flagon of course, but you already knew that”, she
said, grooming a wing.
Flagon. You know, I sort of remember that name, from
a previous existence, a previous life in a previous
plane. It made sense, yet it didn’t.
The dragon looked at me. “You do not remember, do
you?”
“Well, um, er”, I stalled.
“You don’t have all your powers do you?”
“Well, um er”, I commented.
“Aw crap”, Flagon commented.
“How the hell are we
going to beat evil on this planet anyway?”
“There is evil on this planet?”, I commented
innocently.
“Aw fsck wizard. People are fscking blowing other
people up with cars they are blowing themselves up
with. That don’t sound evil to you?”
“Er, well, what did you say your name was again?”
“Flagon, my name is Flagon. And why the hell did you
summon me to this hell hole anyway?”
I scratched my head again, then it came to me:
“Because they need us”
“Us, you said Us”, Flagon replied.
“You getting
anything back?”
I thought again. Still pretty much nothing. I shook
my head. “Sorry Flagon, I still ain’t got
it”
“Eh, well you know me now anyway. That
works.”.
Flagon sighed. “So you got any idea where we should
go?”.
Let’s see, I know have this 25 foot high, 3 ton or so,
magical being at my disposal. Heh, life is good. We
went to Walmart.
I piled the supersized shopping cart full of
electronic goodies. One each of very CD, DVD, and
electronic device I could find. I started wheeling it
to the exit.
Flagon coughed.
“And you are doing what?”, she asked.
“Taking what I want”, I replied.
“So why don’t you just cast a spell”,
Flagon enquired.
“Huh?”, I asked astutely.
“If you want crap you don’t own, just cast the
spell”,
Flagon observed.
“But that would not be right”, I complained, then
gained the spell.
I thought for a moment. “I don’t need you
for this,
do I?”, I understood.
Flagon just grinned at me.
I magically returned all the items to the shelves
where I got them.
“Where to Dio?”, Flagon asked.
We materialized in Africa.
Drought, Famine, Disease, Pestilence.
“Cure them Flagon”, I said.
She sat back on her haunches. “I can do
that”, she
finally said. “And I will doom this universe in the
process. You do know you died 4 times trying to save
this planet?”
I gulped. No I did not.
Flagon looked at me again. “You have much to relearn
wizard. You were so close last time when you died. I
should have expected it. Sigh. So back to the
beginning”
The world swirled around me. Down, down and down
until...
We came out the other side.
Chapter
2 - Eat or Die
I felt small. I felt real small. In fact
I felt
single celled. I looked around. There were all these
other single celled thingies around me, eating each
other. Some could process light energy, some could
not. I felt Flagon’s presence.
A nearby cell started to attack me. I ate it instead.
My metabolism grew as a result. “So do I
split and
become immortal?”, I asked Flagon.
She pondered. “I think immortality is only
achievable
at this level she replied. Of course, they have no
thought.
“So if you have no thought, you are immortal?”
Flagon pondered again. “One way to reach immortality
anyway”, she responded.
A paramecium tried to imbibe me. “Damned, a ruby
slipper”, I thought as I devoured it.
A couple of other inhabitants of this realm tried to
eat me. They were unsuccessful. And eaten in return.
I was getting full in a hurry.
I turned to Flagon. “We finished here?”
“Depends. You want to wade in yeast piss for a
while?”
I thought. It was inviting, but no. I wanted what
the hell came next. “Let’s move on
Flagon”, I remarked. |